By Catherine Theriault

Synopsis: the title says it all... *grins evilly and begins to cackle...*
Disclaimer: yet again, the star wars characters do not belong to me *unfortunately* but I'm using them anyway, well...only really Luke from George Lucas's copy-write, and it's not even a big part so please don't sue me *grins innocently* besides, I'm broke, you'd get nothing. *Warning!* I wrote this while I was sick, so if it sucks, it's not my fault. I'm blaming it on NyQuil. Artemis is a collaboration of Lil and me, and Maverick is MINE! (That's right, booya!) So don't go using them, (as if you'd want them, if you really do just ask, a note in the guest book should be fine) feedback at cath_6@hotmail.com is always appreciated. Enjoy...

     "This is SO your fault." Artemis glared at Maverick. "I can't believe you would rig a trap
in your own bedroom." She attempted to kick him but ended up even more hopelessly entangled in the net.
     "You think I put this here? Come on Artemis! You're just mad because you forgot you set a trap in here and walked straight into it! Why'd you do it anyway? I thought we were partners in crime! Friends!" Maverick glared right back at Artemis.
     "Replace all those you's with me's, and repeat your sentence, I think that's closer to the
truth."
     "W-what!" Maverick spluttered, "I can't believe you're insisting this was me!"
     "FINE." Artemis said angrily, "It looks like we'll be here for a while. How about we talk
about something else."
     Maverick sighed. It wasn't his fault: he still believed it was hers, but nevertheless, he was male and she was  female, so he would have to apologize.
"Look, I'm really sorry we're hanging upside down, tangled together in a restraining net that just gets tighter every time we move, and the heat in this room is cranked up nearly all the way, but I didn't put it here, and frankly I don't
care if you did, all I want is to get down." He put on his most charming smile and beamed
angelically at her. He loved Artemis to bits, but if she got pissed off, restraining net or not, her knee was still dangerously close to his groin.  "So, what do you want to talk about?"
     "I dunno, looks like were gonna be here for a long time, so why don't we play a game?"
     "A game?"
     "Yeah, like I ask a question, then you get to ask one, but you have to answer truthfully."
     "What happens if I don't?"  Maverick replied grinning.
     "I'll feel it through the force, and I don't think you have to ask what happens next."
Artemis grinned with amused malice in her eyes and somehow managed to shift her knee closer to a more dangerous area. Maverick gulped. Time to play along.
     "Have you ever won a fight without threatening to, or actually inflicting violence on one
or more of the offending parties?"
     "No." She grinned ferally.
     "Have I ever told you you're a violent psycho?"
     "Yeah."
     "Homicidal maniac?"
     "Uh-huh."
     "Gun-freak?"
     "Lots."
     "Insane and twisted prank-monger?"
     "Yup. Though I think it was a compliment at the time..."
     Maverick sighed. Of all the times to run out of ammo...  "You know sometimes you aren't very nice."
     "I'll try being nicer if you try being smarter."
     "Point."
     Artemis tried to hold a straight face but she ended up giggling quietly. "Alright you're
forgiven. So do I get to ask the first question?"
     "Sure, shoot away."
     "Hold on," Artemis frowned for a moment as she established a weak connection between the two of them through the Force, so they would know the truth. "Kay, let's test this, how old are you?"
     "Umm... twenty-four." A small spark of assent told Artemis that he was telling the truth.
     "Who's your best bud?" Artemis asked, then immediately regretted her choice. She wasn't ready for the letdown that was sure to come. They were good friends but they'd only known each other for six months.
     Maverick snorted, "Ha! That's an easy one." Artemis winced. "You, you masochistic
nut! Who else would be crazy enough to spend all this time with me?"
     Artemis snapped her eyes open in surprise. She checked the Force. Twice. He wasn't lying. She beamed at him.
"Mav, even for the nimrod you can be sometimes, you can be seriously sweet sometimes."
     Mav rolled his eyes. "I try," he said dryly. Artemis laughed.
Typical Artemis response, he thought to himself as he unbuttoned the front of his shirt and tried to fan the sheen of sweat off his chest, She can't, no, refuses to believe that anyone can even LIKE her that much, let alone love her... woah! Back that up! I DID NOT just think that, must be the heat. She's my best friend.
That's ALL. Damn it's hot in here.
      Mav spoke up again, trying to distract himself from the disturbing notions heatstroke was forming in his head. "Nimrod? Excuse me? Then why do you hang out with me so much?"
     "You remind me of when I was young and stupid. And as for being a dumbass, must I
remind you of the noodle incident?" Artemis retorted with a grin.
     Maverick actually blushed. "By the Force, Artie! It was three months ago! Give it up
already!"
     "No chance of that happening until you find something as good as that to blackmail me
with!" Artemis grinned. "And there's no way you're finding that out." Artemis knew she had
made a mistake again as she saw the evil smile Mav's face had suddenly sprouted.
     "It's my turn isn't it? I can just ask."
     Stupid! Stupid! Stupid! Stupid! Artemis mentally cursed as she held her cheery smile in
place.
"Ask away."
     "Hmm... so many choices. What SHALL I pick? Well, you never talk about your past so
there must be something juicy back there.So. . . " *doing his best Freud impression* "T-Hell mee aboot your mozzer..." (Tell me about your mother)
     "A-about m-my mother?" Artemis stammered.
     "Yeeeez, your mozzer. So spill!"
     "O-okay." Artemis took a deep breath to steady herself and poured out the painful story
of her childhood.  She began her tale in a wistful voice. At first there was love and caring in the corps of the children of the Elite Fleet. Maverick was quite impressed up to this point, she had been quite the little daredevil and prankster. And, being a pilot, he couldn't believe she hadn't once mentioned before that her mother had been part of one of the most renowned fleets in the entire galaxy. Then he understood.  Her voice cracked and trembled and she stuggled to hold back tears as she told him what Kerryna, then Darthina, had done and her incredibly hard life after it. A slow burning anger rose in him as she told him of trying desperately to raise a family of orphans alone in a spaceport badly in need of a facelift. He wasn't angry at Kerryna, no, he had heard her tale before, of torture and pain and mind control, he was angry at a universe that could permit such suffering to occur.
   She told him of going to bed hungry every night, sometimes forgoing food
altogether so the younger children could eat. Maverick made a crack about how she certainly made up for the past lack of food by stuffing her face every chance she could get now.
"In fact," he said, "I noticed you're getting a bit soft around the waist..." She just looked up at him, smiled sadly and continued her story.
  No sarcastic crack? No insult? Not even an elbow to the side of the head? Okay, now he was officially worried.
  She cleared her throat and recited more tales of how she was often working so long she collapsed, of trying desperately to keep the station up to health codes, of scrubbing the ships that docked late at night until her hands bled. All was not lost though, she smiled fondly when she told him amusing anecdotes about learning to raise teenage
boys who were only a few years younger than her, and her eyes regained for an instant, the
mischievous twinkle he was so fond of as she told him about her adventures with the quite anal and prissy health inspectors, the noodles and the rotissery baster and the tub of screed. Only for an instant though, her voice cracked and wavered through her recollection of selling most of the Elite Fleet, including her mother's belongings to buy food, then she finally broke down in tears of shame as she explained what she had to do when she had nothing left to sell.
     "I sold myself," she whispered, "Not in the traditional way I suppose, but I sold
my life, my skill and my innocence. I'm as much of a whore as anyone else who sells themselves for money, in fact I'm worse. I made mercenaries out of a group of kids," She sobbed.
"I didn't really sell my innocence - that was gone long ago. I sold theirs."
     After that whispered comment she was crying so hard he couldn't make out anything else, he couldn't even tell if she was attempting to tell anymore of her story.
Oh great, he thought, distressed, she's crying now,and she never cries, and it's all my fault for bringing it up. Stupid! You should have guessed that since she never talks about it she probably really doesn't want to! Stupid! He shifted around in the net and managed to put his arms around her in an attempt to be comforting without tangling himself further in the net. He cradled her in his arms until she stopped crying, cursing the world for being so cruel and unfair, himself for asking such a painful question and not being able to do anything besides let her cry, hold her, stroke her hair gently, make comforting noises and wish he could make it all go away.
     When she finally wiped away the remains of her tears, he was half-asleep, still stroking her hair, and murmuring "I'm sorry, I'm so sorry."
She looked up at him. He looked worried, tired and close to tears himself. It was cute.
     So maybe I have a little bit of a crush on him. So what? There's no way he'll ever find
out.
She smiled up at him gratefully. "I needed that, Thanks," she said.
So why not? she thought, he's sweet, he's gorgeous, he's funny, he's smart and he's even more of a delinquent
than I am. Well, she added, beginning to regain her composure, maybe not.
She began to blush as she suddenly realized their current position.
   "Well," she said to a happily oblivious Maverick, "What SHALL I ask you. I would try and get you back, but I hate to see grown men cry, sooo....give me a complete rundown of your opinions on these Jedi wusses."
     Maverick smiled. Finally, a good easy question to alleviate the emotional strain between the two of them.
"Well," he began, "You're my best bud." He carefully avoided mentioning any possibly
heatstroke induced confused feelings that would probably just upset her further. "Luke is fun to play pranks on and can be cool sometimes, but Mara has him totally whipped.  She can be a bitch, but she can be pretty cool too. Cace is a really nice guy but waaaaaay too sappy." Artemis and Maverick cracked indentical grins at this comment. "And Lil is way cool even if she is too serious, but the galaxy knows her story, so I don't blame her for being uptight. If she wasn't married and if she loosened up a bit I might've ... well... you know. She's a babe..." Maverick stopped abruptly as a painful wave of confused feelings washed over him through their link in the force. Coming from Artemis apparently.
Oh no! Maverick thought, what did I say wrong this time? Did I say something to remind her of her mother... crap. What do I do now? He panicked.
(Cat: *sighs* men are SO dense sometimes.
Lil: *whacks cat on the head, knocking her unconscious. Makes complicated hand signals that indicate, 'go on, keep reading, nothing to see here, nothing at all'*)
   Artemis was looking up at Maverick, different emotions warring for control of her face. Anger won.
"Jerk," she mumbled and slammed her foot into his shin. Artemis was confused, and that confused her even further. She was NEVER confused.
I do not own him, she reminded herself silently. He can fancy whomever he pleases. Even if she's not me. Even if she's my married cousin. Hey, she's married! The jerk!
     It's a good thing I moved to comfort her, Maverick thought gratefully, or else she
might have had me singing a permanent soprano.
     He heard faint giggling. From the scowl on Artemis's face, he knew for a fact that it
wasn't coming from her. He reached out with his newfound force abilities, he wasn't very strong yet, but he'd have to be blind not to register the power that radiated from master Luke Skywalker, or likewise the slightly lesser powers of Ani, Lil, Tara. . . the list went on and on.
     Almost every person in the academy (and some who weren't) that they had played a prank on was present. Artie had stopped scowling as she felt it too. He expressed what they felt in two simple syllables.
"Oh shavit."
     Luke and the others, sensing that they had been noticed, filed into the small room.
"Comfy?" Luke asked with an impish grin. "I designed it myself."
     "No way," Artemis and Maverick said in unison.
I hate to say this, Maverick said, using the force, but my opinion of Luke has just raised dramatically.
    No shit, sherlock, Artie sent back. She turned her lingering anger to Luke. "So you
gonna take us down now?" she said.
     "Mmm... no, you two just look so cozy, I think I'll leave you here for a while. But in the
meantime. . ."
Every single person in the room suddenly produced a camera.
"Let's take pictures. They'll last longer."
     "So it was you who was screwing around with our emotions and stuff!" Maverick exclaimed
triumphantly. It all made sense now. . .
     Except that Luke looked confused.
"What?"
       There was a long, uncomfortable pause in which Maverick blushed hotly.
      Artemis looked at him quizzically then turned her attention back to Luke."You realize
that when we eventually get down from here, we're going to kill you. All of you, slowly,
painfully. . ." Mav paused for a moment to think. "Artistically," he concluded thoughtfully, as cameras clicked and flashed around them.
     Luke just snickered as the victims of Artie and Maverick began to finish up and file out of the room.
     "They'll never find the bodies!" Artemis yelled at the closing door.
     Artemis and Maverick quickly forgot all the new and confusing feelings and events that
had taken place during the course of that day, and began scheming. Revenge would be sweet indeed.

Other stories by this author: New Friends, Classic Pranks, and Random Destruction; Mall of Doom; Tem and Mav