By Catherine Theriault

Disclaimer: Luke and the Starwars clan belong to George Lucas, (many chibi-lawyers pop out of thin air and wave contracts menacingly) I'm just a lowly high school student so don't sue me, you'll get nothing. Lil, Cace, Tara and Anakin, belong to Lilandra Skywalker but she's being nice and letting me borrow them. Artemis is a collaboration of our twisted minds and Maverick is mine! (MINEMINEMINEMINEMINE *kaff kaff kaff* ~gasp~ #wheeze!#) ok no more of that. Enjoy! Ask the site for use of characters. Enjoy!
Author's notes: FEEDBACK pweeeasse! *big disney eyes*

SYNOPSIS: Seven months after "Forceful Depression, Elite Intrigue", Luke Skywalker has established a new farming business to employ the Whill refugees: Tortoise Natural Products Inc. His seconds-in-command are Cace Lendene and his wife, seven-month-pregnant Lilandra Ilkhaine. In need of help, Luke has hired Maverick Chase, a sarcastic, soul-searching ex-pilot with a devious sense of humour and ripped abs; of the same kin as Lilandra's younger cousin, Artemis Orenda. When one of Artemis' famous boarding-house pranks turns ugly, the fates conspire to bring she and Maverick together. . . but that's not necessarily a good thing.

  Artemis sat in her room. She was bored, it was too quiet. Cace, Tara, Anakin, a very pregnant Lilandra, and Artemis herself were at the Whilldom Camp on Terapinn, taking turns lounging in each other's quarters while the others selected students for training in the Force and completed various farming tasks for their temperamental instructor, Luke.  The four others had been at work for almost twelve hours now - they probably could have almost quartered their time if they let her help - but they didn't trust her yet. Artemis pouted.She didn't see why they didn't trust her, she hadn't gotten in trouble for almost four hours! Lilandra and Cace hadn't headed to bed yet. She smiled the evil smile only possible at two in the morning.
  "Is that the last of the youngsters?" an extremely tired Lilandra asked her husband.
 "Yes, thank the Force! I'm about to collapse!" Cace exclaimed.
 "You are about to collapse, Mr. Not-only-am-I-not-pregnant-but-I-took-a-two-hour-break-
when-that-2-year-old-tripped-on-the-gravel-and-I-fainted-when-I-saw-she-took-all-the-skin-off-her-
knee! Well, excuse me!" Lil replied and glared at her husband.
 Cace gulped. Her pregnancy hormones were raging and if he couldn't find a way to distract her from the fact that the others and herself had to complete an extra hour of work because of that little episode, he would soon be the red splat on the ground formerly known as Cace.
"I'm sorry, it's not my fault that I get squeamish around blood!"
  Lilandra sighed. "Men! Idiots! All of them!". It had been a very long evening.
  It all started seven months ago when Luke, the well-meaning idiot, had figured selecting new Jedi and pushing a rake around a square of lumpy soil would be a relaxing and safe, not to mention most useful, way to spend her maternity leave. What he had not expected were spoiled brats trying to order her around, toddlers throwing up all over her, and Tem's now infamous penchant for pranks. All in all, she was starting to have second thoughts about this whole pregnancy thing. It was all so frustrating! Her feet and back constantly hurt, she felt like a beached whale, and if Anakin made one more crack about her having to waddle everywhere rather than walk.... well, he was going to be in some very serious pain.
  "Not all of us are idiots dear," Cace said sounding a bit hurt at Lil's bitter tone.
 "No, on second thought, not all men are idiots," Lil replied in a thoughtful tone, and smiled sweetly at Cace. "Some are dead." Cace gulped audibly.
  Between Lil's disturbing thoughts of severe violence to anyone who dared bother her aside, they were both so muddled that they never even noticed the skunk.
 

  Artemis awoke to the sound of her name being shrieked through the halls. She climbed groggily out of bed and saw Lil charging down the hall toward her room. "Wow," thought Artemis, "She sure is moving pretty fast for someone who's seven months pregnant."
Only when Lil got within 25 meters of her was she able to make out Lil's expression and mostly incoherent mutterings.
 "Artemis..grrrrrr... skunk...mumble mumble.... get you...rrrrrrrr...pain...lots..." Lil's face was a perfect mask of the rage only capable of a pregnant woman pushed over the edge.
 "Uh oh." Artemis said, and quickly turned and locked her door, then blasted it with one of her ever present over-sized guns. She tried to calm Lilandra down over the intercom. "C'mon Lil, how do you know it was me? I mean, a skunk could have gotten in there on it's own, or Ani could have put it in there, he likes pranks too...." she tried desperately, but the only response she got was the characteristic swish-hum of a lightsaber being activated. The metal door of Artemis's room suddenly had a few, interesting, melted spots. "Oh crap!" Artemis thought and scrambled for some pants, then dashed toward her bathroom door.
 Once inside the bathroom, Artemis looked around frantically for anything, a better weapon, an escape route, or preferably both. Her frantic gaze finally came to rest on the air duct above her head. "Why not?" she thought, "Better than being skewered on Lil's lightsaber."
 It took two rounds of plasma bolts but the grate finally came off. "Resilient little suckers aren't they," she muttered to herself, as she hefted herself vertically into the overhead duct. She managed to get into the duct sufficiently quickly and flopped down on the flimsy metal, panting heavily. "Ooh! Now I remember why you're not supposed to climb through those," she groaned, then sneezed from the dust. "I haven't pulled that trick in ages! This is gonna hurt tomorrow."
She moaned and rubbed  her sore arms. Before Artemis could recover and find the breath to moan and whine some more, she heard, or rather, smelled Lilandra's presence. She couldn't help grinning in spite of her position. So the skunk had sprayed them after all...
 Artemis's train of thought was broken off by Lil's angry voice calling, " Artemis! I know you're in that air duct! Get out of there right now!"
 Artemis crawled over to the opening. Lil's furious face peered up at her from about 3 meters below. "Good one! Know any more?"
Artemis said cheerfully, "If you want me, come and get me!" She smiled angelically at Lil, then almost got beheaded by the woman's thrown lightsaber.
 Artemis took off as fast as she could crawl and cackled maniacally. This was going to be fun! She took a left, then another one, then two rights,and went straight. "Wonder where I am now?" Tem thought. One thing was for sure, Lil was still following her, tracking her with the Force. This was evidenced by her lightsaber sporadically cutting open the vent in front or behind her, them Artemis scrambling frantically away, the Force warning her a split-second before the lightsaber impaled her. "Yes" Artemis decided, "This is a lot more fun than watching old animation and live vids from the 21st century all day, cooped up in my room!" With that thought in mind she began humming alternately the themes from 'Spider-man' and "Mission Impossible'.
 "I can not believe this!" Lilandra thought in exasperation. "How can anyone crawl that fast?" She was bent over, panting, trying to regain her wind. All of a sudden, she heard a noise from the ducts.Artemis was moving again and she was.... singing? The little psycho was actually enjoying herself??? After all this she still thinks it's FUNNY?!
"That's it, she's insane!" Lil exclaimed.
 Apparently, Artemis heard her because she poked her head out of a nearby vent and said, "Actually, I'm not insane, I'm just out of my mind, but you're free to leave a message!"
 Lil paused to rest for a few more minutes then started after her again.
 Things were going well for Artemis, though she had no idea where she was, and Lil was obviously tired. Not that it was her fault, seeing as she was pregnant and had had about four hours of sleep over a span of two days. With any luck, she could lose Lil long enough for Lil's rage-filled hormones to cool off and she could have a few hours of rest before Anakin and Tara discovered the green coloring in their shower head.
Life was good, at least until the duct decided to break under her.
 She smashed through the vent under the now-vertical duct and somehow managed to land on something soft.  A bed. Standing beside the bed was a very shocked-looking fighter pilot. They caught each other's eyes and blinked in unison.
 "Hi." Artemis said impishly. "So, what are your other two wishes?"
  The pilot snapped out of it and gave her a cocky grin, looking at her over the top of his shades. He was in his mid-twenties, tall, blond, with leaf-green eyes and quite a nice body. Seeing as the top half of his jumpsuit was hanging around his waist, it was quite obvious...he had just woken up, if his mussed hair, half-clothed state and the toothbrush sticking out of his mouth were anything to go by. Slowly, he turned and spat toothpaste out in the sink behind him, then continued to nonchalantly brush his teeth. "And you would be?"
 Lil chose that moment to cut down the door with her light-saber. "Artemis!" she growled and charged at her.
 "Artemis Orenda, resident scapegoat," Artemis said, while rolling off the bed to take shelter behind a desk. "Pleased to meetcha! And you are?"
 "Maverick Chase, watch your head! X-wing pilot extraordinaire" he replied, as Lil swung at Artemis.
 "Thanks" Artemis said, and threw a chair at Lil, who sliced it in four with her lightsaber.
 "Wow," Maverick said, impressed, "She's pretty spry for a pregnant chick."
 Lil crawled under the desk after Tem.
 "Yeah I know. She's been chasing me for a good half-hour now." Artemis replied.
 "Wow, good stamina too. She's pretty pissed," Maverick paused to rinse out his mouth. "What did you do to her?"
He actually glanced up as Lil used the Force to rip the sink from the wall and hurl it at Artemis.
 "I skunked her." Artemis grunted as she backflipped over the incoming sink.
 "Skunked? You know, I would appreciate it if you didn't destroy my room."
 Artemis flipped the mattress off the bed to use as a shield for a dozen or so hurled projectiles. "Skunked, like, putting a skunk in her room so it would spray her."
 "Oh.." Maverick replied with a grin, which turned into a frown as Lil threw her light-saber at Artemis.It thunked blade- first into the wall and began to melt the surrounding metal. "Hey! What did I say about not breaking things?"
 "You should know, you just said it, didn't you Maivie?"
 Maverick went over and pulled the light-saber from the wall. He hit a button and the blade retracted. "Don't call me Maivie." he said coldly.
 "Fine Mavis."
 "Not Mavis either," he added.
 "Mavis, Mavis, Mavis!" Artemis said while dodging a couch.
 "Don't call me that!" he said and pressed another button, swish-hum, the blade unsheathed itself. He pressed the first button again, ssshhhurp,and the blade retracted again. "Hey this thing is nifty!" he exclaimed.Swish-hum. In the manner of males, he quickly forgot his quarrel with Artemis to play with his newfound toy.
 "That's not a toy you know," Lil said as she used the Force to hit Artemis with several small, blunt objects.
 "You could help me Mavis!" Artemis growled at him.
 "Hmm? No I'm fine. Don't call me Mavis," Maverick replied, not looking up from the lightsaber.
 Lilandra used the Force to pick up Maverick's small dresser and hurl it at Artemis ,who dodged and countered with some small glass objects, which shattered against the wall after Lil deflected them with Maverick's coffee table.
 "You realize you're destroying all my stuff."
 "Rrr..." said Lilandra, casting a positively hideous sneer at the bewildered pilot.
 "Yep!" Artemis replied cheerfully and ducked behind Maverick. She clung to his back, using him as a human shield.  "At least I'm positive about my destructive habits. That's one of my mottos." She was about to share her other motto, 'Watch out where 'dem banthas go, don't you eat that yellow snow!", but was rudely interrupted by Anakin and Tara storming through Maverick's now doorless doorframe. They both, Maverick noted, had a faint green tinge to their skin and hair.
 "Artemissssssss!" they both growled in unison. Then blinked at the scene in front of them. "Lil? What are you doing here? Phoo! What happened to you? You stink!" Ani said bluntly.
 "She skunked me," Lil replied, the corners of her mouth beginning to twitch upwards. She was desperately trying to stay mad at Artemis, but as usual, the scene before her, as well as her own predicament was starting to appeal to her sense of humor. "What happened to you?"
 Ani and Tara were beginning to suppress smiles also, "Dye in the shower head,"
 Maverick started to snigger, "So, how come both of you are green? You didn't warn each other? Or were you both using it?"
 The young couple looked confused for a few minutes then both blushed furiously as Maverick's little joke sunk in. "No, no, no!" Ani exclaimed. "There are two bathrooms in our room!"
 "Sure there are," Lil said,giggling."And Cace has pink skin."
 Cace ran into the room. His silver skin had a slightly pinkish tinge from scrubbing, his black hair was still wet from his shower, and his lightsaber was unsheathed. "Where's Artemis? Where's Lil? Did Lil kill Artemis? What's so funny?" He looked around the room in which his friends were collapsing with laughter. "Oh! Thank god! You shouldn't exert yourself like that!" Cace said as he spotted Lil collapsed in a fit of giggles an crossed the room. "Hi hon," he greeted and kissed her on the nose.
 "That is so sweet, I think I just got a cavity." Artemis said dryly, and that sent Maverick off  into gales of laughter again. Curiously, Tara, Ani and Cace all turned toward Maverick as if noticing him for the first time.
 Tara smiled evilly. "Gee-Whiz Artie, I didn't know you had a boyfriend. Did he know about this?" she said, holding up a strand of green hair. "Though," she added thoughtfully, "It is an uber-cool color..."
 Artemis and Maverick looked confused, then realized Artemis was not truly using him as a human shield now that the danger had passed. She had unconsciously relaxed once they started laughing and her chin now rested comfortably on his bare shoulder. To keep them both from falling over as they laughed, one of her arms had wrapped around his side and held onto the front of the other shoulder, one of his hands rested lightly on her other hand ,and he was absentmindedly playing with a piece of her hair that had spilled onto his chest. They both froze for five excruciatingly long milliseconds then jumped away from each other as if they'd been burned, blushing an almost painful crimson.
 "What?" Maverick said, "She destroyed my room and though I've known her for only half an hour, she's already insulted me at least twenty times! No way!"
 "I'm actually really easy to get along with once you learn to worship me," Artemis replied with an angelic grin.
 "So, when's the wedding?" Ani said mischeviously.
 "Hmmm..." Artemis said with an expression of intense concentration, "Let me see..." She then brightened and said, "How about never? Is never good for you?"
 Maverick nodded emphatically."Sounds good to me!"
 "Riiiiiight, you two don't like each other at all." Lil said sarcastically. "I do need a shower though," she wrinkled her nose.
 "So," Artemis ventured, almost timidly, "am I forgiven?" She truly liked Lil, Cace, Ani and Tara, she didn't want them to actually stay angry at her for her joke.
 "Sure, I guess I overreacted a bit. So truce, on one condition though," Lil said with a smile so evil that Artemis would not have believed sweet Lilandra capable of if she didn't witness it firsthand, "When we get back, get Luke for sending me on this assignment, but let me rig a camera first."
 "Sounds like a plan!" Artemis said, laughing again, and their little crowd began to disperse. "Oh yeah, Mavis?"
 "Don't call me that. Yeah?" Maverick replied.
 "Sorry about your room."
 "S'okay, I just finished packing all the stuff I really needed anyway. I'm going to learn some hokey religion and teach piloting classes at some fancy academy on Yavin 4." he replied, posing dramatically.
 "How convenient, that's where we're from," Artemis said, sounding surprised. "The Jedi Acadamy right?"
 Maverick nodded. "Well, the money is good, and imagine all the pranks I could pull off if I mastered this 'Force' thing!"
 "Y'know Mav, this could be the start of a beautiful friendship." Artemis said, and grinned.

Other stories by this author: Tem and Mav; Luke's Revenge; Mall of Doom