Mostly guilt.

After ravaging the small town of Mysidia, with the Red Wings, he felt the
unmistakable line between right and wrong fade. Nothing seems right, anymore,
he thought to himself, lying on the small bed in his room. I do what I’m told,
and I think it’s right, but it’s not. I don’t know anymore…

Looting is out of the question.

The words burned in his ears, just as they had since one of his crew-men had
said them. The crystal was in the hands of King Odin. Cecil had, whether he
liked it or not, performed the will of the King. It just didn’t sit right
within his soul… the innocence of the Mysidian elders and people was what made
it so hard to deal with.

The elders… the elders didn’t even resist…

Cecil sighed, and rolled over. Sighing deeply, he covered his head with the
blankets, yet he still felt cold inside.

Cold… just like my heart, he thought. I’ve hurt so many people. I’ve instilled
pain in so many… it’s only right that I deal with the guilt. Serves me right.

The clock on the wall kept ticking, but it wasn’t as soothing as usual… it was
more of an annoyance tonight. Part of Cecil just wanted to smash it, but
without it, he wouldn’t know when it was morning.

He wouldn’t know when to leave.

Just a day before, everything was perfect, or at least it seemed to be so. I
led that troupe just yesterday, just this morning, he thought, and now, I
don’t. I almost wish it were yesterday…

The clock kept right on ticking, one second after another. And another, and
another.

Time just wouldn’t pass fast enough.

There wasn’t much Cecil could do about it, either. Between staying awake all
night, torturing himself with the thoughts of what he’d done, and sleeping,
only to wake up to reality again, there wasn’t much of a choice.

Oh well… everything happens for a reason, Cecil thought, rolling over onto his
back. He took a deep breath, and tried to get some rest.

Sleep crawled into him slowly, diminishing each of his senses. Dreams slowly
took over his mind, blurring the line between some painless fantasy land, and
reality.

When he heard a soft, gentle voice call his name, he wasn’t sure if it was
real or if it was a part of the world he’d sunken into.

"Cecil…"

She called him again, but Cecil remained unstirred. This might just be part of
a dream, he thought, and if I wake up, I might lose this…

"Cecil?"

She spoke louder, and clearer, and Cecil was jolted back to reality.

Standing in front of his bed was Rosa Farell, White Wizard of Baron.

"Rosa… you scared me, a bit…", he said, sitting up in his bed.

"Oh, sorry… did I wake you?"

"Nah," Cecil rubbed his eyes. "I was just nodding off."

Rosa nodded, and sat down on the floor, next to Cecil’s bed. "I heard about
what happened."

"Most people have, by now…" Cecil looked away.

"Don’t talk like that. You did the right thing", Rosa said, softly. "Not just
anyone can stand up to Odin like that."

"Yeah… sure…"

Rosa stood up. "Please don’t act like this, Cecil, you don’t understand."

Cecil whipped himself around. "I don’t understand? I don’t understand? I’m the
one who walked into Mysidia like I owned the place, and took the Crystal of
Water from innocent hands. I’m the one who used force on peace-loving people.
It’s all my fault. Don’t tell me that I don’t understand!"

Rosa sighed. "It’s affected everybody, here. It’s all the King’s fault, and
it’s affected Baron everywhere on this bloody Blue Planet. Do you know what
Mysidia did, Cecil? They closed off the Serpent Road. The Wizards in the
dungeon are threatening to revolt. And well, it’s hardly enhanced our
reputation in the other kingdoms with crystals."

"What, did they send you here to make me feel like hell?"

"Cecil… it’s all the King’s fault. You obeyed the command, like anybody else
would do. You were acting under orders, you had no idea of what was going on,
just like most other people."

There was silence for a few seconds, aside from the sound of the clock on the
wall, until Cecil spoke again from underneath his bed covers.

"I… I’m just a… a Dark Knight, Rosa… I’m just a Dark Knight. Without the gall
to disobey the King."

He sounds muffled… Rosa thought. Maybe it’s the blankets. God I hope he’s not
crying…

"Cecil, I’m sorry, Cecil. I just wanted to tell you that it wasn’t your fault,
and that, well, I’m going to miss you when you go."

Rosa stood up, and sat on the edge of the bed. "Besides, I don’t want anything
to happen to you."

Cecil sat up, pulling the covers off of his head. His eyes were stained with
tears, and his voice was shaky, speaking through sobs.

"Well… I don’t know… I mean…"

Tears started to form in Rosa’s eyes as she looked towards the door on the
opposite end of the room.

"I want you to come home safely, Cecil. If anything should happen to you…" She
fell into a tangled mess of sobs, burying her head in her hands. She couldn’t
even bring herself to finish the thought – the very idea of anything happening
to Cecil pulled at the threads of her heart until there was nothing left.

Cecil pulled himself over to the edge of his bed, and sat next to Rosa.

"Kain’s coming with me… it’ll all be ok. I promise." He touched her hand,
softly. It was cold. He held it in his for a moment so that it could become
warm.

Rosa looked at him, deep into his dark blue eyes. God I wish I could just put
my head on his shoulder right now… she thought, I’d feel so much better if I
could just run my fingers through his hair. But I can’t. We’ve been friends
for so long, I wouldn’t want to ruin that with some cheap ‘advance’.

Cecil yawned softly, trying hard to keep his mouth closed while the carbon
dioxide left his lungs. Everything in the room seemed so bleak… everything
except the White Wizard sitting next to him. Rosa… he thought. I hope nothing
happens to me, too, Rosa. I wouldn’t be able to deal with not seeing your face
again…

Rosa stood up, and headed for the door. Cecil followed her, and watched her
leave. He let her get halfway down the stairs, before he called her name. She
turned around, and looked up at him.

"Take care, Rosa," he said. "I’ll be okay. Please don’t worry about me."

She nodded, forced a smile, and walked down the stairs.

Even after she’d disappeared from sight, Cecil didn’t leave the doorway. He
felt his eyes stained by tears as he whispered a final message to her…

"But I’m still just a Dark Knight…"